A Smart Bracelet to Let You Know How Happy You Are. Wait, What?

 

On August 24, 2020, Amazon revealed the release of a bracelet that gauges the wearer’s level of happiness by the sound of their voice (https://money.yahoo.com/amazon-health-wristband-gauges-happiness-221129110.html).

 

As far as I know, this is the first time when an outside agency – in this case, artificial intelligence – will track and record not only quantifiable measurements, such as the amount of hours a person sleeps, heart rate or the number of steps taken per day, but something as subjective as our feeling of happiness. It makes me ponder how this particular new technology could affect each wearer individually and the society at large.

 

Up until now, we knew that some things are subjective: beauty, taste, pain or happiness. Subjectivity was the point, something we agreed to disagree on – you find this image beautiful and I don’t and that’s ok, I like spinach and you detest it, and both opinions are valid. But what now? If a smart machine will conclusively decide that now we are happy and now we are not, how do we argue against that?

 

We are so used to trusting technology that we’ll most probably just assume that the happiness level readouts are accurate. But will they be? When I am asked to assess my own happiness on a scale of 1 to 5 for a survey, I often hesitate. How can we trust that AI knows exactly how we feel, better then we do? Besides, as psychology professors note, our perception of what happy voice sounds like varies by personality, culture and other factors.

 

What will the new feature mean for our self-awareness? Will we become more self-aware, taking better notice of when we are happy or sad at any given time, or less self-aware, completely relying on the readout, notwithstanding the issue of its accuracy? Will we start doubting ourselves if our own assessment of our state of wellbeing will differ from the verdict by AI?

 

It’s definitely nice to get a reminder that you are happy. But how will a wearer react to the assessment that she is not? And not just by a subjective feeling, but by very concrete words on a screen. There are many ways one could deal with that. Hopefully, people will turn to constructive and healthy practices: spending time with loved ones, meditating for a bit, taking a moment to recall several things they are grateful for or pausing what they are doing for several minutes of physical exercise. Although, if a person practices such habits and turns to them to feel better, they are probably already more aware of their happiness state.

 

However, Amazon Halo’s principal medical officer Dr. Maulik Majmudr mentions that despite the rise in digital health devices over the past decade, there is no corresponding improvement in health in the US. Therefore, it’s safe to assume that not everyone will start practicing their happiness skills once they see less favorable interpretation of their voices. I imagine some people will try to rectify the slum in the happiness readout by going for ice cream or wine or turning on a game to distract themselves. Some may find themselves in a catch 22, becoming more upset or saddened by the screen indicating that they are upset or sad. Some may self-diagnose and take antidepressants or mood boosters of some kind.

 

Alternatively, if someone wants to keep the results in a happy green without changing their life perception or lifestyle, they could probably just trick the device, saying aloud several artificially cheerful phrases. But then our understanding of what it means to be happy and how to achieve it may become blurry, more focused on keeping the readout at high levels rather than minding the feelings inside and working on the actual wellbeing.

 

Another option of dealing with the changing status of the happiness level is to not pay attention to it, to learn to disregard it. However, deliberately not caring can also decrease our self-awareness and mindfulness.

 

I also wonder if clear labels of happy or sad on our wristbands will lead to people reassessing satisfaction with their lives in general. We often do chores we don’t necessarily enjoy much out of love or duty or for the sake of our future selves. When we see “sad” on our wrists, how would it affect our attitude toward the necessity to continue this activity?

 

There are issues the society at large might want to consider as well. I wonder if the assessment will benefit or interfere with the field of psychology. Will people feel increased happiness or frustration about themselves and their lives? Will more or less people turn for professional help?

 

The wristband has build-in microphones that listen to and analyze the wearer’s voice.  The manufacturer assures that our privacy will be protected. Still, there are potential problems with that on a whole other level than the possible issues with happiness assessment.

 

Besides, how do we feel about teaching machines to recognize human emotions, and as the next logical step, being able to alter them?

 

Generally, technology such as this is developed with good intentions – to make our lives happier, better, easier. At the same time there are a host of potential wellbeing, ethics and privacy issues that it raises. And so far, as technology changes the world we live in, there are more questions than answers. As for me, I will keep practicing happiness skills and keep relying on myself in assessing my happiness levels.

If you plan to do the same and want to brush up on your happiness skills, read my book Happiness the Jewish Way: A Practical Guide to Happiness Through the Lens of Jewish Wisdom.

Cultivate Connection

We humans are open systems, continuously exchanging feedback with the external environment. We look well defined and finite, but our feelings, thoughts, words and actions reach far beyond the space our physical bodies occupy. No man is an island. We impact everything around us just by being. And in return we are influenced by it all. Therefore, while it is good to be introspective and self-sufficient, we flourish in connecting to the outside world and being a part of something bigger than we are.

By connecting I do not mean the polite small talk at a meeting or a Facebook account. Connection that leads to the feelings of happiness, wellbeing and, some researchers say, even health benefits is the internal feeling of a strong bond with someone or something.

People are fulfilled in all kinds of connections. One of the biggest bonds we feel is the connection to other people through love, friendship, parenthood, volunteering, work, through sports, shared hobbies and projects.

Art by Amanda Hall

Rabbi Shoshana Boyd Gelfand tells a story that showcases beautifully how people make the same circumstances into hell or heaven solely by their attitude[1]. It also shows the importance and effects of connecting with other people.

As a reward for her benevolent life, Ariella, a lamed-vavnik (one of the thirty-six people in the world who are completely good) was taken to see Hell and Heaven. In Hell she saw a magnificent palace with an opulent dining hall. The tables were filled with the most delicious food: fragrant soups, creamy cheeses, fresh vegetables, juicy fruits, and exquisite cakes. But the people in the room all looked thin, hungry and unhappy. When Ariella looked carefully, she noticed why the people did not eat the scrumptious food: they all had splints strapped to their arms so they could not bend their elbows. They could pick up the food, but there is no way of getting it into their mouths. She was sad that they sit amongst plenty but starve.

Next, the lamed-vavnik went to visit Heaven. She found herself in a beautiful palace once again. The dining hall was also laden with all kinds of fragrant and delicious dishes. And the people at the table all looked healthy and well fed. They were happy and chatted with each other as they settled down to eat the wonderful meal laid out before them. But to her surprise, Ariella noticed that everybody in Haven had exactly the same splints on their arms as the people in Hell.

Art by Amanda Hall

“Same palace, same meal, same splints, same everything,” she murmured to herself. “The same challenges and opportunities exist in Haven as in Hell. What is different?” And then Ariella saw that although the people in Haven could not bend their arms to feed themselves, they were stretching the arms to feed each other. And if food dropped from someone’s fork, or missed a person’s mouth, they simply laughed and tried again. The people had fun. No one was angry, and everyone was getting enough to eat.

Ariella understood the difference between Heaven and Hell. She returned home and told others about her visit and the lessons she has learned. “Heaven and Hell are not just placed that you go to after you die,” she would tell the children who sat at her feet. “They are also part of how each of us looks at the world every day. And people who reach out to others are already halfway to Heaven.”

Cultivating connection with others does not mean we must be friends with heaps of people. Research shows that the well-being resulting from connecting comes not from the number of friends we have, but from our internal sense of bond toward others. So it is enough to have one friend. And we we feel deeply connected to someone on the inside, we are still benefiting from that feeling even if that person is not our friend[2].

Sarah Yoheved Rigler, a prominent Jewish speaker and author, teaches that marriage is the opportunity for the deepest and the biggest connection with another human being[3]. Unfortunately, we do not always use this opportunity. At times we feel hurt and disconnected from our spouses and other family members. We get upset, frustrated and annoyed with our life partners, children and parents. And so we tarnish the deep connection with people closest to us by arguing with them, and mostly about rather inconsequential things. That puts a major hamper on our happiness.

When it happens, Ms. Rigler suggests we stop looking at the circumstances through “right or wrong” glasses, trying to make everything right every time someone else is wrong. Instead she offers to put on “connection or disconnection” glasses, when the most important is not to prove that you are right at any cost, but to stay connected with the other person. When we consciously choose connection as our ultimate goal, our behavior changes. Ms. Rigler finds that spouses who choose to cultivate connection have much happier marriages while still being able to solve any disagreement in friendly and respectful ways.

Art by AthenA-gRace

Another very powerful feeling is the connection to a higher power, to God, to the creation, the connection to spiritual plane of our world. In Judaism, being connected to HaShem (God) is the purpose of practicing the Torah Law and the true path to happiness[4]. In the highest level of yoga called Samadhi, connection with all the creation is the ultimate goal of the practitioner. Any spiritual practice cultivates connection to something bigger than us by praying, meditating, believing. Many people experience tremendous joy from these kinds of connections.

There are other important and very gratifying connections in our lives: to nature, to animals, to expression through art and music, or even to abstract ideas.

When we feel connection through loving someone, feeling strong about an idea, or believing in the higher power we get charged with energy and the motivation to do great things, as well as the satisfaction and happiness.

As with everything else in life, we must exercise moderation, a proper balance. Connecting with the wrong people or the wrong ideas may be draining or even hurtful. We need to know who and what to reach out to and what to distance ourselves from.

Feeling connected to something recharges our batteries. It is also important to enjoy solitude and be content with your own company. Maxwell Maltz, a Jewish-American doctor and author said "If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone." We cannot be harmonious beings through connection only. We need self-reliance, introspection and some quietness. Being alone can recharge our batteries as much as the feeling of connectedness. Striking the balance that is right for you promotes happiness.

Practice:

• Start by smiling. Smile to strengthen your existing bonds (with family and friends) and smile to create new ones. People are attracted to a smiling face.

• Connect with like-minded people. You may feel that you do not have anything in common with others to develop a bond. But rest assured: there are people like you out there. And probably they feel the same way.

• When in conflict with the closest family members, such as your spouse, your kids or your parents, ask yourself what is most important to you overall – to prove that you are clever and right or to stay connected and close. On the whole, do you want to be in the world of connection with them or in the world of estrangement? Once you decide you want to choose connection over estrangement, you may realize that disagreements can be solved without insults or bickering[5].

Art by m1kikey

• Hugging is one of the easiest ways to connect, and a very effective one. And now it has been scientifically proven that hugging for 20 seconds releases oxytocin, a hormone that makes us feel happier. Strengthen your bonds with hugs, you will feel happier and more content with life![6]

• Connect through a shared project. Buddy up for activities such as exercise, going to museums, or whatever you can think of. Volunteer for your community organization. Enroll into sport teams or classes that interest you. Make the practicing of happiness skills a family project. When you share your goals, support and motivate each other, you develop a connection (and as a bonus, achieve your goals faster).

• Connect with happy people. When we are close to content, happy people, we learn from their attitude and may begin emulating their happiness.

art by kceb14

• If having a feeling of deep connection with other people is challenging for you, focus on other connections as discussed above.

• Explore a connection through spirituality by going to places of worship and/or going on nature walks. Connect with the uniqueness and the preciousness of the present moment through being in awe with the vastness of the Universe, the beauty of a starry sky, or the limitlessness of the horizon[7].

• Set time aside just for you, for being with yourself. Enjoy the solitude. Connect with the rich world inside of you. Meditate.

---

[1] Heaven and Hell, The Barefoot Book of Jewish Tales by Rabbi Shoshana Boyd Gelfand

[2] Emma M. Seppala, PhD., http://www.psycologytoday.com/blog/feeling-it/201304/8-powerful-ways-turn-loneliness-deep-connection

[3] Sarah Yoheved Rigler, http://www.sararigler.com

[4] Rabbi David Aaron, Living a Joyous Life: The True Spirit of Jewish Practice

[5] Kesher wife workshop by Sara Yoheved Rigler

[6] http://www.tydknow.com/did-you-know-that-a-hug-that-lasts-for-20-seconds-releases-oxytocin-which-can-make/#sthash.EsSpvrwW.dpuf

[7] Association for Psychological Science. "Being in awe can expand time and enhance well-being." ScienceDaily. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/07/120719161901.htm

Too Lazy to Feel Amazing

art by *SonSurfer

We do not feel as happy as we could (hence the positive psychology, self-help books, and this blog).

Do you ever notice similar lacking in other positive emotional areas?

-       we are not as curious as we could be

-       we are not as loving

-       we are not as kind

Why not?

It seems contradictory. Being upset, annoyed, scared, frustrated, and angry takes a lot of mental energy. But we still react on par with the cause (or easily overreact). Being content seems to be easier and better. However, more often than not, we do not react as strongly when all is well and we are being comfortable.

We emote negative feelings out of necessity, when something bothers us. We can get anxious and miserable long before something negative has happened and stay upset or depressed long after the irritant is gone. On the other hand, when nothing troubles us, and we emote by choice rather than out of perceived necessity, we often choose not too. And if we do, we hardly maintain the same level of positive emotion for the entire time all is well. We often let the nice things slide unacknowledged or even get somewhat bored when nothing too exciting is happening.  It seems we are too lazy to focus on, appreciate and react to the good things around us.

Besides, recently I heard a theory that experiencing negative emotions comes naturally to us because negative emotions stimulated survival actions in our ancestors. Fear helped them avoid danger; anger and aggression helped them dominate over enemies; dissatisfaction spurred on discovery of fire and tools. Negative emotions helped us stay alive. Positive emotions did not figure in the survival mode of life. It is nice to feel loving, peaceful and gracious, but it will not safe your life in the wild. * So it seems emoting positive feelings needs to be learned and practiced.

The emotional laziness goes even further. Not only we tend to under-react to the pleasant, we also tend to shift the responsibility for our moods (positive and especially negative) to other people and circumstances and away from ourselves. We do it automatically when we say something like: “They annoying me” instead of “I am impatient with them ” or “Today is a bad day” instead of “I lost my temper”. Similarly, our good mood largely depends on something pleasant happening to us instead of it originating from inside (though we already noticed that sometimes we are too sluggish to be positive even in good circumstances). We let emotion happen to us instead of actively creating them.

Martin Seligman and Sonja Lyubomirsky believe that our inborn personality

partially determines the range of happiness we can attain. Our own thinking and will power determines where we are on this range. The easiest is to stay where we are now; that does not require any further effort and comes naturally. We can sink further down, or we can work and push our happiness level to the top of our ability. But that requires mental effort, discipline, repetition and lots of practice.

Even though a smile is better than a snarl, and emoting positive feelings is certainly less physically and mentally exhausting than being negative, changing our character and the way we react to the external factors is a hard work. It requires too much effort, the results take too long, and in our everyday bustle we just do not have the time for it… In other words, we are too lazy to do it.

Happiness is our attitude.  Our reluctance to work on changing it is somewhat similar to our approaches to changing our body (loosing weight, getting fit, practicing healthy lifestyle and consciously avoiding harmful behaviors).

Similarly to the personalities we get born with, some get born with beautiful bodies and do not have to do anything to stay in shape. But for majority, it requires some effort. The ideal body shape may be limited by our genes, but we still can do a lot with our bodies if we really want to.

Arnold Schwartzenegger

We all know someone who was puny and became muscled, or was overweight and became slender. We also know that to loose weight or quit smoking is only half of the success. The most difficult part is to keep it this way. Even after quick diets or plastic surgeries, people need to change their lifestyles to keep the same shape. Transforming the body (and the soul) is hard work, but it is most certainly possible. 

Almost all of us tried to practice fitness at one point or another. So we all know that to actually improve the body, we have to overcome two major factors – our habits and our laziness. But recently, the society offers great encouragement and support for healthy lifestyle. There is an entire culture geared for promoting body fitness: age restriction for alcohol consumption, anti-smoking campaigns, weight losing competitions, and calorie charts in fast food menus. Unfortunately, the society does not focus on our mental fitness as much. There is no age restriction on tantrum throwing, no ban on screaming at other drivers from your car, no reality shows about losing bad attitude, no campaigns that just remind us how wonderful everything is around us.

Despite all the support for body fitness and all the dire health consequences we are facing if we neglect it, we are still reluctant to make all the effort. It is easier to stay in and watch TV than go to gym and sweat. And the body is a physical, tangible form. Any changes, though not fast or simple, are much easier to see and feel than the changes of our invisible and mysterious psyche. Nevertheless, if we want to be in a good emotional shape, we have to work on it the same way we have to work on our physical shape.

There is so little standing between us and our happiness! There are no insurmountable obstacles and no overwhelming and undefeatable circumstances. It’s only our habitual laziness.

art by worldpress

Exercises:

1. Simply notice all the nice things in your life. Do not take them for granted and let them go unacknowledged. Notice the way birds sing while you are walking. Love the way the sun warms you up. Marvel at the invention of toilets, cars and bread slicers. Notice that your spouse looks nice today, say it out loud, and smile.

2. Work on being in a good mood. For every negative thought and emotion, come up with five true positive responses to the surroundings. E.g. my coworkers annoy me. But: I am alive, the sun is shining, my child told me she loves me, etc.

3. Next level: realize that there is nothing completely negative. For every negative thought come up with five good and truthful thoughts about the same subject. For example, my coworker annoys me. But, she has nice eyes, she is smart (or kind), without her I have to work twice as much, she can handle tough clients, she makes awesome cookies, she is better than someone else I know, etc.

4. Take responsibility for your emotions away from others. Acknowledge that you are the only one responsible for your reactions and moods. When you catch yourself thinking something like “he angers me”, correct yourself into thinking “I am angry with him”, etc.

Once we do that, we can work on reacting more positively to the outside world. It will not come naturally to those who are not used to it.  But if we are moral, self-reliant, and hard-working, we can teach ourselves to be happy.

art by ~InspectorLupus

* as discussed by Kim Stephenson, author of Taming the Pound”, http://www.tamingthepound.com/

Choices: To What Extend Do They Define Happiness

art by ~EyesOfTheBeholderInc

My life.... My Choices...

~ Folk Wisdom

Our lives are defined by the choices we make.

Every day we are faced with a plethora of choices: obvious or unconscious, difficult or easy, important or insignificant, unnoticeably minute and life-changeably major. When I shop for a toothpaste, which one do I choose? When it is time to pick a major, which one do I choose? When proposed a hand in marriage, what do I do? When I crave chocolate, do I treat myself to a piece or abstain? When my daughter takes too long to do her homework, do I help her, let her do it at her own pace, or scold her for getting distracted? When I write this paragraph, do I list more examples, or get to the point?

Our actions are our choices carried out. And all our choices are based on our values and the place of happiness in our priorities.

We all know that we want to be happy. We want it for ourselves, our loved ones, and possibly for all.

However, rather often we knowingly choose to do things that do not make us happy, when we believe that these things take higher priority in life. When we are younger, we tend to concentrate on more palpable goals - fitting in with peers (and doing things that we would not want to do by ourselves), completing education (and stressing over grades and fees), getting a nice job (even if we find it unfulfilling), finding a spouse (or bearing the societal pressure to find one), having kids (and giving up a lot of freedom), saving up for some possessions (and denying self others), etc. Later, we may sacrifice our own happiness for our loved ones, for the call of duty, or out of fear to change anything. Or we may believe that we simply do not have another choice.

As we age, as we go through certain experiences and learn from them, as we become more established and secure, as be become wiser, our views about life priorities change.  We may place happiness higher on our priority list. Each one of us modifies our live views for different reasons. Some survived a life-threatening situation and realized that life is too short to be unhappy. Some have a pessimistic child and want to lead by example by embracing positive emotions. Some believe that being happy is the ultimate meaning of life. All of us have our own different reasons.

Changing priorities will affect the daily choices we make. We may decide that we care for our peace of mind more than for a successful career, or for judgment of others, etc. So we may forgo a promotion at work that entails long hours and more stress. Or decide to move from the city to the suburbs or vise versa. Or something else we would not dare do when we were younger.

art by ~Persephone842

Our choices are defined by the balance between our desire to be happy and doing what we currently believe is the best course of action. Unfortunately, it is impossible to always do only what we want. So we ascribe our unhappiness to less favorable choices we have to make. How can we be happy when we want to play outside and instead we have to study or work? When we want to read a book, and instead we have to do the dishes? When we want to devour a juicy hamburger, but we are told a carrot is a healthier choice?

The paradox of happiness is that even though we believe it depends on our choices, in the grand scheme of things it really does not. When we have to do something out of obligations, or pressure, or whatever circumstances, we are able to still be happy. We may not be happy with the circumstances, but we can learn to be content with ourselves in these circumstances.

The key is to remember that we still want to be happy, and choose to be happy instead of sulking or waiting it out. Like Abraham Lincoln said, people are as happy as they make their minds up to be.

Usually, we do not focus on desire to be happy, we just know it is true. So when we deal with the stress of everyday life, we oftentimes almost forget about it. We get into foul moods over small staff like traffic, or getting a stain on our cloths. Without noticing we concentrate on the routine, letting go of our overall intention to be happy.

Therefore, when we are presented with challenging choices and trying circumstances, it is very helpful to remember both the fact that we truly prefer to stay happy and the way we arrived to this conviction. As we recall the experiences and thoughts that shaped our determination to be happy, we will be able to cope with situation we view as negative.

For example, the next time we find ourselves in an unfavorable situation, we can say to ourselves, I want to be happy anyway, because life is short and I do not want to live it depressed. Or because everything is relative and nothing is as bad as it seems. Or (insert your own individual reason to continue to be happy).

We should clearly understand the reasons why we want to be happy - and not the general goodness reasons, but our personal, individual ones, the ones that convince us that happiness is a priority above some others. Then the circumstances will no longer hold such overwhelming power over our state of mind. We will be able to transcend through them, not let them interfere with our mood.  We will be able to choose what is necessary for us to choose and not let the choice affect our spirits.

The choices we make are important. But there is only choice that truly affects the level of our happiness - our choice to be happy. While the rest of our choices shape our lives, this one shapes our attitude.

Exercise: Remember the reason for wanting happiness and prioritizing it high.

Think about the questions below. Try not to give in to popular notions about happiness or the meaning of life. The hankering to be happy is for your own benefit, not anyone else's. So uncover your own personal ideas and notions, your personal answers.  

Is the importance and supremacy of happiness self evident to you? Are you convinced that being happy is your goal and priority?

If you believe so, look back on your life and remember what experiences and thoughts brought you to this conclusion?

How would you explain to your children that they should stay happy in any circumstances?

If something made you doubt your own priorities, would we be able to convince yourself again? How?

If you found yourself in an unfavorable situation, would you give in to the bad mood or be able remember to try to keep good attitude? What would it take for you to not only stay calm, but actually be positive - a quote? memories of past experience? thoughts of the future? the transience of life? thoughts of the divine? meditation? duty to your loved ones? duty to yourself?

* My post about setting priorities is here: http://olgarythm.blogspot.com/2012/10/happiness-how-to-get-your-priorities.html

Conceptualize Happiness

Art by ~ghettojack

Often it feels that we are in such a hurry to become happier, that we forget to stop and think what "happiness" is, and what it means to us. 

The very first step to lasting happiness is to formulate what it is and what it isn’t.

Each of us is different. We perceive the world differently. Our five senses, our physical experiences, spiritual experiences, our  mental processes and emotions are different. 

On the physical level, we are different on the outside, which is pretty obvious by our looks, as well as on the inside (which sometimes is less obvious, but nonetheless, very true). We perceive and relate to the smell, the sound, the touch, the sight, and the taste individually. For example, each of us experiences pain differently: some endure it, others cannot tolerate it at all, some bear it silently, others moan and yell. Our attitude to pain is different as well. Some find it unpleasant but tolerable, while others fear it and will go to great length to avoid it, whereas others find pleasure in it. Such difference of perception happens with any physical experience.

The same individuality applies to our spiritual, intellectual, moral and emotional functions. When we read the same book or watch the same movie, we each pay attention to different cues, and arrive to slightly (or vastly) different conclusions. One may like it, another love it passionately and want to re-read it or watch it again,  the third one resent it, the forth one will not be able to get past the first chapter/ten minutes, and someone else might find it boring and forget it in a week. 

We love differently, we grieve differently, we think differently, we memorize differently. We hold different notions of kindness, beauty, good and evil. By the same token, there is no universal notion of happiness. It is a general term for something that we experience distinctly and dissimilarly to others. 

Therefore, we should not try to emulate the displays of happiness that we see in other people or on television and movies. If you are not the smiley, bouncy type, do not think that you are less happy because you do not laugh out loud when something nice happens to you. Happiness may be experienced in different ways - it can be loud, fun, cheerful, gay, merry, hilarious or it can be quiet, contemplative, insightful, content, peaceful. We can feel it differently at different times and the way we experience happiness may change with age.

Do not expect to naturally react to life similarly to your heroes, parents, or friends. And do not expect or insist that your children react to things the same way as you do. They are different inside the same way they look differently or have different fingerprints than you.

To be able to control things, we should be able to conceptualize them. For many centuries, humans did not understand the nature and causes of various diseases. Therefore, they were believed to be divine punishment, similar to other phenomena, such as thunder, lightning, or eclipse. Now in many cases we have a better understanding of disease processes, what they are and what causes them, and we can control them better by prevention or treatment.

So, to be happy let us first conceptualize what we think happiness is.  If we do not have a good idea about what it is, we cannot move toward it, and we will not recognize that we may already have it. We will have to include some things, and to exclude others.

Exercises:

Below are exercises that are focused on the theory of happiness. It may take a lot of time to understand what is right for you, incorporating what you learned from this blog and from your own experience. The theory may never be complete. It changes and evolves as do you, your personality, and your understanding.

Exercise 1:

Think about your emotional response to the state of happiness. How do you know when you are happy? What do you feel when you know you are happy?

·         elation

·         intensity

·         calm

·         serenity

·         smile

·         laugh

·         cry with tears of joy

·         satisfaction

·         pleasure

·         self esteem

·         peacefulness

·         other - list them for yourself

Ask yourself:

When you are happy, do you feel the emotion for a short time, or does it last for a long time?

If happiness means elation and pleasure, do you consider yourself no longer happy when these feelings subside?

What does it mean to you to be a happy person in a long term? What feeling or emotion do you need to have to know that your entire life if happy? 

When you wish to be happier, or for you loved ones to be happier, what do you have in mind?

Exercise 2: 

Decide what happiness has always meant to you. Make a list. You can use some of these:

·         Just being alive

·         Relationships

·         Good education

·         Children

·         Health

·         Being physically attractive, being beautiful

·         Financial status

·         Possessions

·         Doing what you love

·         Having great career

·         Peer approval and popularity

·         Good entertainment (computer games, movies, music, electronic media, etc.)

·         Country living

·         City living

·         Relaxing

·         Being busy

·         Taking care of others

·         Feeling the care of others

·         Just feeling good about life

·         Contentment

·         Add anything else

Do not try to include things that you think are appropriate or constitute the "right answer". This exercise is not for anybody's judgment, it is just for you, for your own understanding. So just pick whatever you always wanted in order to be happy.

Look at the above list carefully.  Ask yourself:

Are these things that ultimately make you happy or are they your goals in life? (our goals in life do not necessarily overlap with our happiness). 

Are they mostly important for your success or for your own well-being and happiness?

If you do not achieve them, will you still be able to be happy?  

If you do achieve them, are you pretty much guaranteed to have happiness ever after?

Do you already have some of the things on the list?

Do most of the things on your list depend on outside circumstances or your own attitude?
  
Does it seem unreasonable to you to feel happy for no particular reason?

How would you explain happiness to your children? What attitude do you want to instill in them?

Based on the above reflections (which may take a minute, a day or months), decide if you want to add or subtract something from your list above to clarify your concept of happiness.

And remember that the state of happiness originates, develops and exists inside of us, from our state of mind, from our attitude toward the world around us. It does not originate from outside. Things happen, or do not happen. We are the ones who react to them in different ways.

Now we can recognize our individual sources of happiness and our unique reactions to them. Therefore, we have a better sense of what our happiness is and a better control of it.