How Learning to Be Happy Is Like Learning How to Draw

My dad is very talented in drawing and painting. When I was little, he tried to teach the basics of drawing to me. But I could never draw as nice as he, and my likeness on the paper was never as good as his. I got frustrated pretty quickly. I never regarded myself as artistically inclined, and I was better at other things, so I switched my attention to them.

Years passed. Since then I only took a pencil if my kids asked me to draw a little bird or a house for them. Both my daughters take drawing classes, and we’ve got a drawing set for them – pencils, pastels, watercolors, brushes, and drawing paper.

Come summer, the set still sits pretty much untouched. Last week I decided that I want to give drawing another try, since I already have all the supplies. I went to my local library and checked out a book on basic drawing.

Here is how the author Sarah Parks introduces it:

It’s a common misconception that you have to be born with artistic talent or that only creative people can draw or paint. But in fact, drawing is a discipline just like any other, requiring learning skills and practicing techniques. And your keen desire to draw gives you the aptitude you need to study those skills and diligently practice the techniques I’m going to teach you. When you’ve practiced them consistently, you’ll really start to feel pride in your ability to draw. Suddenly, people will say, “I didn’t know you were so talented!”[i]

It is amazing that exactly the same principle applies to happiness skills! Even though each of us is born with a varied amount of “talent” for feeling happy in different circumstances, there are different happiness skills and techniques. When we learn about them and practice them, we improve our own abilities and become able to feel better.

I’ve read the first chapters carefully, learning about shapes, shadows and block-in techniques. First I drew a sphere, then a cube. And then I tried to draw from the photographs of pears and an iris from the book. And here is what I drew:

It’s not an exact likeness, but now I have more patience, and I really like to be able to draw nicely. And most importantly, now I know that even if I am not going to be a museum-worthy artist, I can definitely improve my drawing by learning some tips and practicing.

Very similarly, we can all learn tips, practice, and improve our lives by becoming happier!

I describe happiness skills and techniques in my book Happiness the Jewish Way: A Practical Guide to Happiness Through the Lens of Jewish Wisdom

http://goo.gl/LNLUrd

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[i] Drawing Secrets Revealed: Basics by Sarah Parks

The Greater Good: Why Happiness Is Good For You And Others

art by ~coolkidelise

So why being happy (and I do not mean momentary pleasures, but lasting feeling of peacefulness and contentment) is so good, we might want to make it our highest priority in life? The obvious answer is because it feels nice, great even! But does feeling great make it good enough to put happiness above other goals?

Let's examine the benefits of happiness a little more closely.

In recent years, more research has become available on benefits of happiness. Turns out, happiness affects many facets of our lives.

art by ~bayb-kiedis

The clear links are that happy people (both children and adults) deal better with life’s never-ending challenges. They are less prone to depressions and anxieties (1). They are more likely to exhibit greater self-control and have better coping skills (2,3,4). They are more sociable and have more friends (5,6). They are optimistic and generally are in better mood.

There are less obvious connections. For example,

According to several studies, happy people are more likely to live longer (7,8,9).

Happiness may help us live not only longer lives, but healthier ones, too. Martin Seligman, a renowned positive psychologist found that optimistic people are much less likely to die of heart attacks than pessimists, controlling for all known physical risk factors (10). The connection of the psyche and health is studied by the psychosomatic medicine. Turns out that our levels of anxiety, stress, negative emotions or conversely, levels of relaxation, comfort, and happiness are major factors in medical outcomes. For example, high blood pressure and irritable bowel syndrome appear to be related to everyday stresses. Stress diverts energy away from the immune system, thereby promoting infections and other illnesses in the body (11). It is believed that almost all physical illness have mental factors that determine their onset, presentation, maintenance, susceptibility to treatment, and resolution (12).

Personal life is greatly affected as well. Happy people have fewer divorces and more marital satisfaction (5,6). I believe a lot of it has to do with the ability to be self reliant in making oneself happy instead of depending on a spouse to do it, and eventually getting gravely disappointed.

Happy people have more energy and are more active, even later in life (13,14). Which comes in handy with the tendency to live longer lives.

Research demonstrates that happier people display greater creativity at work and produce higher income (15). According to one study, happy teenagers go on to earn very substantially more income 15 years later than less happy teenagers, equating for income, grades, and other obvious factors (10).

Another rather important point is that happiness may be the meaning of life. A long time ago Aristotle concluded, "Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and the end of human existence". Similarly, Ayn Rand believed that "achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life..."

So being happy is conductive to leading a longer, healthier and meaningful life, enjoying deeper personal and social relationships, and even achieving financial stability.

Even so, focusing on our own happiness may somehow seem a self-indulgence, a selfish act. But it is not! By being happy, we can actually help those around us and the society in general!

art by CainPascoe

People in the vicinity of happy individuals get affected positively, even if they do not always notice. Happy people of all ages are more cooperative and less antagonistic, which results in less bullying at school and less negativity at workplace. Happier individuals form closer friendships, providing stronger social and emotional support to their friends.  Due to the better family dynamics, happier adults benefit their spouses and raise happier, better adjusted children. Moreover, happiness is 'contagious'. When people are in company of happy people, they tend to get into better mood themselves.

The influences of individual good mood can be felt by the society at large. For example, national economics is positively affected, as scientists prove that happier children deliver better performance at school, and happier adults perform better at work (16). Besides, happier people who evidently are healthier, use fewer sick days and are more productive. 

Due to the benefits to their health, happy people also contribute to driving the cost of healthcare down.

Besides helping the world indirectly, happier people get involved with charity work, volunteering their time and donating money (17,18).

Finally, happiness is a perpetuum mobile, a perpetual cycle, in which being happy induces positive outcomes that in turn beget more happiness, and so on…

So, happiness touches most aspects of daily life, making it more enjoyable and gratifying every single day, through good times and bad. It feels great and benefits the happy individual, as well as his/her families, friends, and even the world at large. And it generates even more happiness!

The only thing left for us to do is practice our happiness skills consistently and enjoy the outcomes!

References:

(1)   Diener, E., & Seligman, M. E. P. (2002). Very happy people.  Psychological Science, 13, 81-84.

(2)    Carver, C. S., Pozo, C., D., et al. (1993). How coping mediates the effect of optimism on distress: A study of women with early stage breast cancer. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 65, 375-390.

(3)    Fredrickson, B. L., & Joiner, T. (2002). Positive emotions trigger upward spirals toward emotional well-being. Psychological Science 13, 172-175.

(4)    Keltner, D., & Bonanno, G. A. (1997). A study of laughter and dissociation: Distinct correlates of laughter and smiling during bereavement. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73, 687-702.

(5)    Berry, D. S., & Hansen, J. S. (1996). Positive affect, negative affect, and social interaction. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 71, 796-809.

(6)    Harker, L., & Keltner, D. (2001). Expressions of positive emotions in women’s college yearbook pictures and their relationship to personality and life outcomes across adulthood. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80,112-124.

(7)    Danner, D. D., Snowdon, D. A., & Friesen, W. V. (2001). Positive emotions in early life and longevity: Findings from the nun study. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80, 804-813.

(8)    Maruta, T., Colligan, R. C., Malinchoc, M., & Offord, K. P. (2000). Optimists vs. pessimists: Survival rate among medical patients over a 30-year period. Mayo Clinic Proceedings, 75, 140-143.

(9)    Ostir, G. V., Markides, K. S., Black, S. A., & Goodwin, J. S. (2000). Emotional well-being predicts subsequent functional independence and survival. Journal of the American Geriatrics Society, 48, 473-478

(10) http://www.minnisjournals.com.au/educationtoday/article.php?article=Positive-education-and-the-new-prosperity-546

(11)Dillon, K. M., Minchoff, B., & Baker, K. H. (1985). Positive emotional states and enhancement of the immune system. International Journal of Psychiatry in Medicine, 15, 13-18.

(12)http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosomatic_medicine

(13)Csikszentmihalyi, M., & Wong, M. M. (1991). The situational and personal correlates of happiness: A cross-national comparison. In F. Strack, M. Argyle, & N. Schwarz (Eds.), Subjective well-being: An interdisciplinary perspective(pp. 193-212). Elmsford, NY: Pergamon Press. 

(14)Watson, D., Clark, L. A., McIntyre, C. W., & Hamaker, S. (1992). Affect, personality, and social activity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63, 1011-1025.

(15)Estrada, C., Isen, A. M., & Young, M. J. (1994). Positive affect influences creative problem solving and reported source of practice satisfaction in physicians. Motivation and Emotion, 18, 285-299.

(16)Staw, B. M., Sutton, R. I., & Pelled, L. H. (1995). Employee positive emotion and favorable outcomes at the workplace. Organization Science, 5, 51-71.

(17)Cunningham, M. R., Shaffer, D. R., Barbee, A. P., Wolff, P. L., & Kelley, D. J. (1990). Separate processes in the relation of elation and depression to helping: Social versus personal concerns. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 26, 13-33.

(18)Williams, S., & Shiaw, W. T. (1999). Mood and organizational citizenship behavior: The effects of positive affect on employee organizational citizenship behavior intentions. Journal of Psychology, 133, 656-668.

       

Happiness Is a Skill

art by ~AmeNonDesiree

Our individuality is an intricate mix of character traits. Some attributes are inborn, others are acquired. Some are less changeable, while others may be more influenced by our upbringing, our circumstances, and our choice. Our personalities are also affected by the habits we form throughout our lives that are expressed through our behavior. And as we live through every day, we are also imperceptibly but invariably and constantly changing. This change may not be apparent in the span of a week or a month, but it is happening nonetheless, and because of it, we are not the same people at forty that we were at twenty, and still more different at sixty than we were at forty. The interplay of all of the above produces our unique personality, including the level of day-to-day happiness we feel.

Happiness is commonly thought of as an inborn feature, which cannot be taught or learned. However, the recent emergence of the science of positive psychology challenged this opinion. Renowned happiness psychologists such as Martin Seligman and Sonja Lyubomirsky believe that the level of our happiness is made up of several components. They estimate that it is about fifty percent our genetic capacity for happiness, about ten percent our circumstances, and the rest forty percent of our happiness level is made up by our voluntary control.

Thus, a large portion of our ability to feel happier depends on our own desire, choice, mindfulness, attitude toward outside circumstances, as well as our skills at being happy.

As a skill, being happy can be learned like any other skill. As we acquire knowledge and understanding about it, and as we consistently practice it, it becomes automatic.

Consider any skill you are good at, either physical or intellectual, such as walking, reading, writing, typing, driving a car, crocheting, cooking, dancing ballet en pointe, playing guitar, etc. It is difficult in the very beginning (if we can remember this far back), we cannot do it properly, we may even get frustrated, and dislike this skill. But if we continue practicing it, gradually we become able to exercise it without much thinking.

For example, think about the process of learning to speak a foreign language. Usually, we cannot just listen to it and begin speaking at once. In fact, when we start, we do not  begin with the speaking at all, but with learning of the basics, the building blocks - the letters, the sounds, the rules. We have to think about every word first, making mistakes with tenses and sentence structure. The more we practice, the faster it becomes automatic, thoughts translate into words, and sentences flow without our conscious effort. Speaking a foreign language fluently may take a year or ten years. Some people have a talent for it and can learn several languages rather easily. Others may struggle with this skill. But even they will speak well enough if they practice a lot.

Acquisition of any skill or trait follows the same pattern. First, we gather some knowledge about what that skill is and why we need to master it. Once we decide we need this skill, we first learn the theory about it. Then we practice it. In the beginning we must focus on the desired skill, thinking about every minor detail, exerting effort to get it right. We have to make a conscious effort to repetitively apply the body of knowledge we have. With repetition and the growth of our understanding, the skills become familiar, easy and even automatic. The skills we practice all the time become second nature.

art by ~myusernameisjenna

A character trait such as happiness in large part is also a product of repetitive behavior of a certain kind. We may have forgotten how we have gotten the way we feel and behave today, but little by little, we formed habits to automatically react with certain kinds of attitudes toward certain factors. As adults with formed personality, we observe the results - the set of our habitual attitudes and behaviors, our established mental outlook on life.

Happiness is not the only personality trait that can be managed. On the other end of our personality spectrum there is anger. Similarly to happiness, it is partially our disposition, partially an emotion that depends on our circumstances, partially an expression of our habits. Although it may be argued that some people are born predisposed to be more angry or more agreeable, there are anger management classes that successfully teach people how to take control of their anger. We can control our anger, if we put our minds to it. In the same way, we can learn to master our happiness.

People are born inclined toward some traits, and happiness comes easier to some than others, but it is a combination of nature and nurture. And we are in charge of nurture. Which means it can be taught, and should be taught, like a foreign language, starting from school and throughout our lives.