Happiness the Jewish Way : Now Available in Russian!

 Я очень рада сообщить, что опубликовала перевод своей книги на русский язык!

Вас ждет СЧАСТЬЕ ПО-ЕВРЕЙСКИ!

Вот ссылки, переходите, покупайте себе и в подарок всем, кто читает по-русски, пишите отзывы и, конечно, будьте счастливы!

Амазон: https://shorturl.at/rzPX7

Lulu.com: https://shorturl.at/cqvAO

С обложки:

Найдите свое счастье с помощью простых и конкретных советов, извлеченных из богатого еврейского наследия и адаптированных для нерелигиозного читателя.

Ольга Гильбурд рассказывает о еврейской мудрости, используя реальные истории из жизни и народные сказки, отрывки из литературных произведений и из религиозных текстов, мистические учения и научные открытия, философские размышления и юмор. Каждый раздел сопровождается практическими советами о том, как применять эту многовековую мудрость в повседневной жизни. Открывайте на любой странице и начинайте осваивать навыки радости!

«Блестящая совокупность еврейской культуры с логическим подходом к радости.» - рецензия онлайн-читателя

«Простое и ясное руководство к счастливой жизни.» - Сабина Сингер

«Невероятно интересное и легкое чтение. Сочетает в себе древнюю еврейскую мудрость, глубокие мысли и искрометный юмор. Необязательно быть евреем, чтобы насладиться этой замечательной книгой.»

– рецензия онлайн-читателя

I am very happy and proud to share with all of you that I finally translated, edited, formatted and published a Russian translation of Happiness the Jewish Way!

How Learning to Be Happy Is Like Learning How to Draw

My dad is very talented in drawing and painting. When I was little, he tried to teach the basics of drawing to me. But I could never draw as nice as he, and my likeness on the paper was never as good as his. I got frustrated pretty quickly. I never regarded myself as artistically inclined, and I was better at other things, so I switched my attention to them.

Years passed. Since then I only took a pencil if my kids asked me to draw a little bird or a house for them. Both my daughters take drawing classes, and we’ve got a drawing set for them – pencils, pastels, watercolors, brushes, and drawing paper.

Come summer, the set still sits pretty much untouched. Last week I decided that I want to give drawing another try, since I already have all the supplies. I went to my local library and checked out a book on basic drawing.

Here is how the author Sarah Parks introduces it:

It’s a common misconception that you have to be born with artistic talent or that only creative people can draw or paint. But in fact, drawing is a discipline just like any other, requiring learning skills and practicing techniques. And your keen desire to draw gives you the aptitude you need to study those skills and diligently practice the techniques I’m going to teach you. When you’ve practiced them consistently, you’ll really start to feel pride in your ability to draw. Suddenly, people will say, “I didn’t know you were so talented!”[i]

It is amazing that exactly the same principle applies to happiness skills! Even though each of us is born with a varied amount of “talent” for feeling happy in different circumstances, there are different happiness skills and techniques. When we learn about them and practice them, we improve our own abilities and become able to feel better.

I’ve read the first chapters carefully, learning about shapes, shadows and block-in techniques. First I drew a sphere, then a cube. And then I tried to draw from the photographs of pears and an iris from the book. And here is what I drew:

It’s not an exact likeness, but now I have more patience, and I really like to be able to draw nicely. And most importantly, now I know that even if I am not going to be a museum-worthy artist, I can definitely improve my drawing by learning some tips and practicing.

Very similarly, we can all learn tips, practice, and improve our lives by becoming happier!

I describe happiness skills and techniques in my book Happiness the Jewish Way: A Practical Guide to Happiness Through the Lens of Jewish Wisdom

http://goo.gl/LNLUrd

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[i] Drawing Secrets Revealed: Basics by Sarah Parks

Presenting my book "Happiness the Jewish Way: A Practical Guide to Happiness Through the Lens of Jewish Wisdom"

My years of research and practical application combined with a grant from COJECO of New York resulted in a self-help book "Happiness the Jewish Way: A Practical Guide to Happiness Through the Lens of Jewish Wisdom".

I include several definitions of happiness and discuss some common pitfalls in our happiness beliefs as well as how it is looked at by Jewish folk wisdom and modern science. Then I discuss the skills that together help us be a happier human being and provides easy-to-follow practical exercises for each skill.

The book is available on amazon.com here.


Watch a short interview I gave about this book here.


Join me on the Facebook page www.facebook.com/happinessthejewishway for more.

Turning Dreams Into Reality - Positive Thinking Workshops for Kids

I am so excited and happy! Thanks in part to this blog, I was invited to do positive thinking workshops for kids at a local community "Y"!

The event is sponsored by PJ Library (http://pjlibrary.org/), an organization that provides free age-appropriate books with Jewish-themed values. 

So I decided to pick one book for every workshop, read and discuss it with the kids, and follow that up with a fun project related to our topic. I finish with a "homework", such as smile when you wake up tomorrow, or don't forget to thank mom for breakfast.

So far I did two workshops.

For the first workshop, I've read a book "Joseph Had a Little Overcoat". It is a great book on positive attitude. It is about a small village man called Joseph. He had a beautiful coat which got old and tattered, so he made a jacket out of it. As the jacket got older, he made it into a vest, then a scarf, a tie, then a handkerchief, and finally, a button. But finally even the button got old and eventually got lost. Could he make something else from nothing? Why yes, he wrote a story about it.

This particular story lends beautifully to discussions of positive attitude, such as:

- the power of smile and good mood (which Joseph carried throughout the book)

- the power of positive thoughts - instead of becoming sad, Joseph saw an opportunity

(also having an open mind, dealing positively with adversity, resilience)

- accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative

- optimism

- we do not need a lot of things to be happy

- satisfaction with what we have

- just like Joseph could come up with a story from these events, we can always get positive attitude and good mood from anything.

- personal hygiene - to be happy we need to be healthy, and keeping clean and neat is one way to do it.

- enthusiasm (not be lazy)

- take control of your life (do not wait for something to happen, make it happen as much as you can)

-resourcefulness (how to make "lemonade" from a "lemon")

- gratefulness - appreciate what you have

Of course, it would take hours to go into all of these, so I discussed Joseph's positive attitude, and how if something unpleasant happens (like when Joseph's clothes got old and torn), we can always think of something good in this situation and smile.

I had 4,5,6 and 8-year olds and everyone participated and shared what made them happy (which, predictably, included gifts, and unpredictably, gymnastics and soccer lessons).

The homework for the kids was to get up in the morning, smile and be in a good mood!

For the second workshop, I chose to discuss such an important concept as gratefulness. For that, I read a PJ Library book "The Apple Tree's Discovery".

Together with the kids, we have discussed all the things we can be thankful for. First on the list were gifts, new things, and conveniences, such as being able to take a car to school instead of the school bus. Slowly but surely we arrived to less tangible things, everyday things that we often take for granted, things we forget to be thankful for, even as grown ups, such as the sun, the nature, our talents (for example the ability to draw beautifully or excel at sports), and of course our family, friends, and even the fact that we are alive!

We've also discussed that even if we get something we do not like, e.g. Mom gives us veggies for

lunch instead of pizza :), we still have to remember to be grateful to Mom for the effort.

I tried to make a distinction between a mere politeness in saying thank you automatically and actually noticing all the good things and feeling sincere gratefulness for them.

We followed the lively discussion with a drawing session accompanied by the song "Grateful" by John Bucchino. The kids drew what made them feel grateful. The pictures ranged from a toy to the child's family to summer!

The homework - to remember to thank Mom for the breakfast tomorrow.

I hope the children will be a little more mindful of positive attitude and gratefulness now, the seeds that will flourish into happiness when they become teens and adults.

Which Happiness Theory is the Right One?

When I became interested in the philosophy behind happiness, I went to a bookstore and looked at the self-help section. Although happiness did not take as many shelves as some other subjects, there were still many books about it. I was challenged by the available choices. Which one contains the key to the secret of the happy life? Which one will set me off on the right path to happiness?

On top of all this available material, I have this insistent desire to express my own thoughts on the subject, to write my own blog (and eventually a book) about happiness.

So I had to consider some valid questions. First: why should I write about happiness, if it was already covered by others? Second, what makes me knowledgeable enough to impart my opinions and solutions on others? Third (and I think the most important for anyone who just wants to be happy), which happiness theory is the right one and which are wrong, which should be studied and practiced and which can be disregarded?

There are many happiness theories: the hedonism theory, the desire theory, the objective list theory. Many people vouch to have obtained happiness through faith and/or religion, or through selflessness and dedication to a worthy cause, or through meditation and enlightenment, or through parenthood, or through helping others, or through close relationships. Some believe happiness can only be found when one belongs to a community, others insist happiness is strictly individual. Some theories propose specific steps to achieve happiness. Others insist that looking for happiness prevents us from getting it altogether.  Some say happiness is a skill to be learned and practice, others insist it is something with are born with and cannot change, still others believe it is the mix of both. All in all, the opinions are rather contradictory. Most astonishingly, there are many people who attest to the veracity of each one of them.

But I believe this wide diversity, even if somewhat frustrating in not offering one clear answer, makes sense. There are so many people, and we all are so very different and unique. People come from different societies with different cultures, traditions and beliefs. We come from different families and backgrounds with different parents and upbringing. We worship different gods. Individually, we have different natures, characteristics, habits, temperaments and dispositions. We consider happiness differently; it means something particular and unalike to each one of us. We have different worldviews.

Because of such variety in experiences and beliefs and cultural trends, philosophers put forth different theories that reflect these diverse worldviews. Happiness is not an exact science. It depends on personal experience and perception. Since we perceive all information through the lens of our worldview, we tend to like theories that are more agreeable with our own opinions and beliefs. For all the diversity of happiness theories, each one of them is confirmed by lots of supporting information. And there are people who resonate with each theory, making all of them valid for those people. It is the happiness paradox, what more, it is the paradox of life. Whatever somebody thinks up will work for someone, and therefore, will be their truth.

Even the common sense may not work for all. Common sense boils down to repetitive experience gained within similar conditions. But if the conditions change, the common sense ceases being that “common”. And boy, how rapidly the conditions change in the modern village of the world!

Any specialist, even the most experienced and respectable one, possesses only relative competency, limited by their own experiences and worldview. There is no truth here, only points of view. Therefore neither I, nor any of us can provide the “one size fits all” theory, methodology or set of rules on how to become happier. Our opinions on the truth are subjective. Whatever is good for one is bad for another. Different things will work for different people. One man’s meat is another man’s poison.

All of us seeking answers, trying to improve ourselves or helping others should operate from this knowledge. We should not feel obligated to do everything offered or feel inadequate if something does not work for us or just seems wrong.

I think this idea is beautifully illustrated by HSBC marketing campaign. It provides contrasting descriptions for similar images, demonstrating the understanding that the same phenomena perceived differently by different people, and thus, have to be dealt with in different fashions.

So because we are so unique, there cannot be the one recipe for happiness. But if there was, it would work just like a cooking recipe. Even with exactly the same ingredients and instructions, different cooks bake slightly different pies. Even baked by the same cook over and over again, each batch will be slightly different. Similarly, everyone learns how to write. But each of us ends up with unique writing style and a different penmanship.

There cannot be a universal instruction on how to be happier that will fit everyone or work without fail. Whichever theory is working is the right one. Specifically for the people it is working for. To each his own truth. To each his own happiness. To each his own valid theory.

Why Happiness?

I am passionate about the subject of happiness. There was a time when I hardly ever thought about it - what is there to think about? It's all pretty clear - don't worry, be happy.

Recently I faced a challenge of teaching to my children how to be happy. That's when the questions started pouring in. Is it even possible to teach something like that or is it an inborn character trait? What exactly is happiness? If you are happy but don't recognize it, are you still happy? What makes us happy? Why some people achieved success in their lives, but feel empty inside? Why we may smile while something nice is happening and cry when it's over, immediately forgetting the nice part? How do you acquire the feeling of happiness and how do you make it last?

After some research, lots of reading and personal experience I came to a strong conclusion: Feeling happy is a skill, and it IS possible to learn. Not only it is possible, but it is quite necessary.

In fact, I realized it is a single most important skill for us to possess and to teach to our kids. Much more important that playing piano, or solving mathematical problems, or ballroom dancing. None of these skills by themselves will make us and our kids happy. And isn't it the ultimate goal in life - to be happy? 

In my research, I came across an article about schools in UK that incorporate "happiness curriculum" with their studies. I was very encouraged by it, and started looking for something similar for my kids.  However, there was nothing similar. It is not offered in schools, there are no afterschool activities that focus on happiness. There is an abundance of anything one can think of, but not this one single most important skill. 

That didn't make any sense to me.

Trying to rectify the situation, I resolved to create a Happiness Education program for kids myself. The more I was thinking about the happiness phenomenon, the more I noticed how the idea of "happiness" that is promoted in our culture has little to do with the actual feeling. That results in people chasing after the wrong thing, not really knowing what makes them happy. My goal was to look at the root of happiness and to empower kids to grow up with the understanding of it and the skills to achieve it. 

As I was discussing my ideas with friends, I noticed that adults are also in dire need of this program. That lead me to the idea that I should write a book about happiness intended to everyone. I will post parts of it in this blog.

I hope my convictions on the subject will help make all members of my family happier human beings, and I hope to take as many people along as possible. And I dare to hope that one not so far away day, the happiness subject will be included in all schools' curricula, making for a new, happier generation.