Pages

welcome

Trying to make sense of life and to learn living it happily.

To subscribe type your email in the box on the right or clicking on the link at the bottom of the page to receive notifications of my new posts.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Why We Need To Add Happiness To School Curriculum


Art by ~2Happy
Young people graduate from school equipped to solve mathematical equations, arrange chemical experiments, and write essays. But often they graduate to the adult life not equipped with skills that will help them deal with everyday struggles, emotions, and difficulties. They are not equipped to be happy individuals.

Happiness is arguably the ultimate meaning of our life. Is there anything we want more for our kids than to be happy? If given a choice, would a parent prefer that her child knows capital cities of all countries or knows how to be a happy person? The ultimate purpose of the traditional academic education is to instill children with knowledge needed for for their future careers. But it does not teach kids the good attitude to deal with the many future personal experiences that make up our life. Inner well-being and peace are as crucial and necessary as the academic skills. It does not make sense to pay no attention to the development of happiness skills.

In 2011, United Kingdom published a report that confirms that lots of kids face serious emotional problems by the time they graduate school. Based on UK statistics, which probably does not differ too much from the situation in the USA, by the time an average class of 30 young people reach their 16th birthdays:
  • 10 of them will have witnessed their parents separate
  • 3 will have suffered from mental health problems
  • 8 will have experienced severe physical violence, sexual abuse or neglect
  • 3 will be living in a step family
  • 1 will have experienced the death of a parent
  • 7 will report having been bullied.
Relate (a leading provider of counseling, therapy, and education in UK)  cites research evidence which shows that emotional and mental health problems developed in childhood and adolescence go on to affect adults later in life. The resulting problems with poor emotional adjustment and general feelings of unhappiness are bad enough. But that is not all the consequences our kids are facing. Unhappiness and emotional imbalance can cause young people to do badly in exams or drop out of education altogether, with consequent damage to their long-term employment prospects and health. For more on the report, see http://www.relate.org.uk/about-us/media-centre/press-releases/2013/12/11/relate-calls-statutory-provision-counselling-schools.

I agree with Relate's specialist that schools are the best places to reach young people, and early intervention is effective. But I believe that the most effective solution is prevention. Adding the subject of happiness to school curriculum can help children better deal with their issues, and develop coping mechanisms for the future.

Usually, the kids get emotional guidance and character building from interacting with families and friends. As parents, we always try our hardest to raise good people: continuously pass our wisdom to our kids, indoctrinate our values to them, tell them what is good and what is bad, teach them manners, help them with the choice of profession and life partner (if they let us). But do we teach them how to be happy, joyful, grateful, peaceful? Do we live our lives with contentment and moderation, leading our children by example? Parents are people too, and not all of us are happy ourselves. Unfortunately, we do not always have the time, the vision or the skills to instill the basics of happiness into our children. So both the adults and the kids go about the pursuit of happiness by the trial and error method.

There are more and more politicians, organizations and individuals who believe that happiness skills can be learned and should be included in traditional educations. On his Facebook page, the Dalai Lama says that education is the proper way to promote compassion, piece of mind and tolerance in society, which bring a sense of confidence and reduce stress and anxiety (https://www.facebook.com/DalaiLama) . England requested that schools and colleges promote wellbeing to students (http://www.optimus-education.com/can-schools-promote-happiness). The US army uses classes developed by the "Authentic Happiness" program at the University of Pennsylvania to increase resilience levels of the troops (http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/newsletter.aspx?id=1552).

School is the place where our kids grow up, and where they are formed as individuals as much as they are at home. The school system has the infrastructure for influencing entire generations, letting out better adjusted and happier people. Unfortunately, schools spend most of their efforts on achieving high test results and good rankings. There is little emphasis on personal or emotional development. I believe happiness skills are among some of the most important skills a person possesses. To me it is obvious that the school system must help develop happiness skills as much as literacy skills in all children. I would like to see USA schools and schools all over the world to add happiness lessons to their curricula and deliver it to every kid. It will make for better adults and for better societies, and ultimately, for better world.

To see this happen, I plan to open an organization to raise public support, develop happiness curriculum and promote it to schools and departments of education in the US and possibly, worldwide. 

If you think this idea is important and worthwhile, and you would like to help, please contact me. I am looking for anyone who can contribute their skills, knowledge, and advice in the fields of not-for-profit organizations, school curricula, marketing, public relations, legal aspects and more!

Top of Form
Bottom of Form

Friday, October 12, 2012

Happiness "How To": Get Your Priorities Straight



art by ~JenRoyce

Think about all the major ideas that you have about happiness, about success, about the meaning of your life.
Consider all the factors that are important to you, like money, success, children, nature, etc., some of which I explored in earlier posts: http://olgarythm.blogspot.com/2012/09/exploring-happiness-pre-requisites_30.html, http://olgarythm.blogspot.com/2012/09/exploring-happiness-pre-requisites.html, http://olgarythm.blogspot.com/2012/08/children-and-happiness.html.
  
Add or subtract to create a list of things you are ready to dedicate your life to. Weigh in whether you can be happy with less (see previous post "Adjust Your Expectations": http://olgarythm.blogspot.com/2012/10/happiness-how-to-adjust-your.html).

Then create a priority list for your life.

art by ~addicted-to-memories

Include only the most important goals you want to achieve in life, the end goals, for example, “being happy”, “enjoying the family”, “earning the living by doing what I like”, “dedicating more time to (fill in the blank)”. 
List the most important priorities first.

To get some perspective, let's consider what we do with the lifetime we are granted. Whatever we do in life: produce, eat, sleep, travel, work, quarrel, love, check emails, raise kids, exercise, and anything and everything else, we do it in exchange for our life. For example, during a day of work we produced 5 chairs, or contributed to a project for improving a banking system, or wrote an article, or baked cupcakes. We exchanged eight hours of our life for it. If you love what you produce, it may be worth it. If you do not really care and just wait for the day to be over, then you lose these hours of your life, forever.  

The priority list is a reminder of what is truly important for you. Review your life priority list every morning and decide what you are going to work on today.This way you will see how much time in your life you waste on non-essential things like checking updates on computer or bickering with close people over minor issues.  If you find yourself doing something opposite to your life-goals, such as getting angry at the world for something, getting stuck at a meaningless joyless job or spending hours in front of TV, then think again what is most important. 

Do not let non-essentials take away your time and energy from something more important, like enjoying your family, achieving something meaningful, being happy.

art by ~messofmemoriesxX

Remember that our time is finite. Would you like to endure the life or enjoy it? Waste it on something meaningless or celebrate it?

 It is probably impossible to fill each moment with deep meaning and spend all the time on working exclusively toward the big goals. As always, everything is good in moderation. But it is necessary to know what your priorities are, and live accordingly.

It is a life-long process. Do not get discouraged if you find yourself sidetracked. Work on improving your situation and continue to getting closer to your goals. And always feel satisfied and happy as you get closer to your goals, even if it is little by little.

art by ~cookiesnmilk




Saturday, October 6, 2012

Happiness "How To": Adjust Your Expectations



Some posts on this blog are purely theoretical, discussing what happiness is. Some of them, including this one, are practical guides to becoming a happier person. 

Art by ~smitzphotography

A better car, a more expensive dress, a bigger house will not make you happy for long. Look at the people who have them. They still may be unhappy and want more. We get anxieties and ulcers wishing for more of this and that, wasting our time on worries or envy instead of enjoying what we have.

The less you need to feel good, the easier it is for you to feel happy.

Ask yourself – what can you live with less of?  Less material gain? Fewer cloths maybe? Fewer designer handbags? An older car? Consider non-material values as well. Can you live with less success? Less power?

Some of our dreams and ambitions are unreasonable and unnecessary. Of course, very ambitious and tenacious people who do not settle for less may achieve great success. That does not mean they are happy. They need to dedicate a lot of time and energy to their goals and endure a lot of stress and disappointments on the way. And none of it guarantees that they emerge happy once they finally achieve their great ambitions. 

You should not feel like a quitter if you are happy and content with less than what is possible. Because truly it is impossible to gain it all. Whatever we have, there will always be more out there – better, bigger, newer, more popular. 

Also, understand clearly that a lot of your goals will not lead to happiness. They will lead to other things. For example, if you would like to be rich, the goal may be to live comfortably, to be free, to help other people. If you would like to improve your appearance, the goal may be to be popular, or to look like your favorite celebrity. If you would like to be powerful, the goal may be to be able to change the system, or to manage others. But not to be happy. We do not need any of the above to be happy. 

Realize that you can be happy with less.

Adjust your expectations. Become content. Start enjoying having less.

Exercise

When you pass by storefront window displays, look at the nice things in there and ask yourself (and do not forget to ask your child) – can I live without it and still be happy? If you can (of course you can!), feel the lightness of not needing certain things to be a happy person. Feel that possessions have no power over your happiness. Feel that you have the power over your own happiness. 

When you watch a political debate or hear about celebrities, ask yourself – can I be happy if I am not a powerful politician or a famous celebrity? Can I be happy if I will never be rich? If you know you can, congratulate yourself!   

Start enjoying your life and hold on to this feeling of happiness with less.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Exploring Happiness Pre-requisites: Success

 
I continue exploring the commonly agreed upon major pre-requisites for happiness.
 
 

art by ~dhuusaraH


"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way."                                                                                                 ~Christopher Morley


For a long time in our culture happiness is closely intertwined with success. It's like it is a two way door, and happiness and success are the keys to the other side: being successful is the key to being happy. It works the other way around as well:  happiness is the key to success. Once we get one of them, they should form a loop - becoming more successful begets happiness, which begets more success, which results in more happiness.

So where do the successful but unhappy people fit in? How many news reports we've heard about successful millionaire businessmen committing suicide, or successful and loved celebrities checking in psychiatric facilities? Surely they don't do it from the overabundance of happiness in their lives.

Our society places a big emphasis on its definition of success. Whatever we do, we have to be successful. And we do not allow for moderation in this area. If we do not want to succeed, why do anything to begin with? And once we have succeeded, it is unwise to stop. We are taught to never stop, to push for more.

But when there is no moderation, any good thing starts to turn into something else.

Success is such a wonderful, optimistic, happy concept! It challenges us to reach more. It rewards us with feelings of joy, satisfaction, self-worth, self-respect. And it often results in better life conditions. But being stressed too much, it produces opposite effects. Optimism becomes pessimism that nothing is ever enough, and majority of us will not achieve what we set out for. Happiness turns into despair for being a failure. Healthy incentive transforms into sickening stress, and excitement becomes anxiety.

If we follow a cause and effect logic, we will easily see the reason for such gap between what success stands for and how it actually impacts our lives. Success is the attainment of our goals. If our goal is to be a healthy person, then success is to lose weight, quit smoking and take up exercise. If our goal is to be a happy person, then success is to smile, to enjoy life, to be at piece with the world, the ability to be in charge of our attitude. If the goal is to be affluent, then success means becoming wealthy, getting a big house and designer cloths. Our society glorifies competition-based success – becoming better then others, more beautiful than others, more popular than others, more powerful than others, and of course richer than others.

This success “competition” starts earlier with every generation. The little ones are expected to pass tests to enter better pre-schools. There are more moms that put their precious tiny three and four-year olds in additional reading classes, math classes, music classes, any kinds of classes. Kids this age are often not yet capable of really benefitting from this education. Sometimes we make them go against their will. Why? Because we know better. Because we hope it will give then an early start, and they will be able to go to good colleges down the line. We believe it will give them the tools to become more successful in adult life. Mostly, because we are just caught up in this success-oriented thinking and we want to teach it to our kids as soon as possible.

Older kids are stressed even more to go to lots of different afterschool activities and have a shelf full of medals and awards to show for them.

Teenagers are under more stress. Not only they have to be smart, athletic, and popular, they also need to be involved in romantic relationships, or else they are made to feel like failures.  It is an unforgiving competition of who has the largest number of “friends” on social networking and who has got the most boyfriends/girlfriends and what they have already done with them.

Success is not merely suggested. It is demanded of all of us. Professional athletes are not considered successful if they did not win the first place.  It is amazing to see some athletes who look sad or even ashamed to have won second or third place in a major competition.

Some of us set even stricter requirement for themselves. People who are plenty successful by society norms are still unhappy, because they demand more of themselves. They rarely feel contentment and satisfaction. They still feel they are not doing well enough. That sort of expectations is even harder to overcome, because it comes from ourselves.

We have to succeed. We get inspired by hearing that "some people dream of success while others make it happen". We have to climb the social and carrier ladders even if it kills us (and sometimes it does). But the final destination is worth it. After we reach our goals, and became successful by the standards of society, we get to be happy. We finally deserve it. Oh, sweet success.

Sadly, it takes a long time to reach the level of success expected of truly successful people. And often, when we finally reach our goals and become successful as we understand it, after we experience elation, we may suddenly feel empty. If there are no bigger goals and nothing to strive for anymore, then by definition, there will be no success in the future. This is a shock for those who are so used to moving towards the generally accepted aims.

The society preaches and praises success, but it does not preach the idea of “enough”. Successful entrepreneurs are expected to become millionaires, while successful millionaires should become multi-millionaires, and so on. It just feels wrong if they maintain the same level of wealth and not work on making more.

This competitive culture in business, social and emotional spheres thwarts the essence of real happiness - contentment. How can anyone be content, when so much is expected of them, and it is always anticipated to do a little better, to reach a little higher?

These heightened expectations and judgment on who is successful and who is not render many in the “not” section, feeling somehow lacking. But in line with society expectations, which insist on being cheerful, we often feel obliged to keep the fake smiles. “Fake it till you make it”. And after all the necessary social functions are over, lots of smiling people go home and take their antidepressive medications.

Generally, we do not feel content enough until we reach the goal. Unfortunately, we forget that the happiness of achieving tends to be short term. We disregard the long-term kind of happiness - the happiness of striving, of acting on our dreams, on bettering ourselves. We keep our eyes so fixed on the target, that we forget to enjoy the process itself.
 
To be happily successful, first we must decide what our most important goals are in life. They may or may not coincide with the commonly lauded goals, or be a combination. Even though true happiness rarely results from possessions, social status or any other outside factors, we should not limit our goals solely to possessing a peaceful and joyful attitude toward any outcome. If we like what society has to offer, we should go for it!
Once we decide what is most meaningful to us, we will not feel so stifled and stressed by the societal pressures, as we will determine our own happiness pre-requisites. While we spend our lives getting what we want, we should keep the desire to succeed strong enough to spur us on but not too strong to cause a breakdown. And keep in mind that success is not only what is achieved, but what we had to do to get there.
Good Luck!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Exploring "Happiness Pre-requisites": Nature



 In order to be happy, we need to know what gets us there. Our culture and upbringing holds several factors as obvious paths to happiness. They are children, success, money (and things it can buy), relationships, love, health, beauty, being at one with nature. I might have missed something, but these are held as major ingredients of a happy life, and most of us think of them immediately when we dream about happiness.

While all these elements indisputably make our lives much better, they should not be pursued for the purpose of being happier. We can have some of them or all of them (which most of us do, in different degrees) and still not feel as happy as we are supposed to.

In my post "Children and Happiness" http://olgarythm.blogspot.com/2012/08/children-and-happiness.html I wrote about children as a happiness prerequisite. This time, let's briefly consider another important factor - nature.


Art by ~stolendata

Leo Tolstoy said “To be happy is to be at one with nature”.

We human beings are part of nature. But once again, returning to our roots and relying on nature to provide happiness does not always work out. 

We feel happiness and harmony looking at clear blue skies or picturesque sunsets against beautiful clouds. We feel awed by magnificent mountains. We get a warm feeling from watching a cute kitty play around. 

We also get angry if we get stung by a mosquito, sad when it’s pouring outside, frustrated when we step into a cow cake, annoyed when it’s too hot or humid,  or depressed when it’s cold and gloomy. 

Not only that, but apparently, it would be extremely inconvenient for us to enjoy the nature to the full extend. We need shelter and cloths to protect us from it. We need plumbing and electricity for better quality of life and an opportunity to live longer.

Being at one with nature is important, because we are a part of it. But like anything else in the list above, it is best in moderation. And like every other element from the list of required things for us to be happy, nature by itself is not a source of our happiness. Our attitude toward it is the source of happiness, and nature among other things may be a cause of it.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Just Do It!

art by *FlexDreams


Becoming happy means changing attitudes that we cultivated our whole lives. You are living your life the way you are used to, reacting to circumstances in the ways you always do, without too much thinking, because by now you've worked out automatic reactions to outside triggers. These reactions make up our personalities. 

Now consider a conscious withdrawal from the usual response, which is a part of your self. It requires mental effort, concentration and mindfulness.

A mental switch is hard to make. You have to adjust your attitude consciously every time, until you get so used to it, it is not at effort any longer.

It is not an easy transition. It is so much easier to react in a habitual way, and we are often tempted to do so. The process of changing does not lend itself to instant gratification. It may take months or even years to get where you want to be (but do not forget that it took you years to get where you are now, to form your personality and attitudes toward life). To become happier, we have to apply significant and unusual efforts, and there will be urges to delay this big change to some more appropriate time. In other words, we might want to procrastinate.  

Most of us at one point or another have probably resolved to change our habits - to eat healthy food, to quit smoking, or to take up exercising, to lose weight. Only not right away, but starting at some future point in our life - next Monday, next month, the beginning of the next year, or after some major event with deluxe buffet.

art by ~MissVictoriaDaily

You may be tempted to delay applying the new knowledge about happiness until later, too. You may reason that you really want to be more content and generally happier, but right now you are going through some stressful times. So you will work on changing your attitude after your family situation gets better, or your job situation gets better, or whatever else may be bothering you at present. The problem with this approach is that there is always another stressful situation happening after the current one, so we end up delaying further. We wait until we have no more problems before allowing ourselves to be happy. 

Ayn Rand sums it up in Atlas Shrugged: "Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplacable spark. In the hopeless swamps of the not quite, the not yet, and the not at all, do not let the hero in your soul perish and leave only frustration for the life you deserved, but never have been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

Always remember that today you are younger then you are ever going to be (as sung by Regina Spektor).

Do not put off till tomorrow what you can do today!

art by *matthewpoland