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| art by ~EyesOfTheBeholderInc |
My life.... My Choices...
~ Folk Wisdom
Our lives are defined by the choices we make.
Every day we are faced with a plethora of choices: obvious
or unconscious, difficult or easy, important or insignificant, unnoticeably
minute and life-changeably major. When I shop for a toothpaste, which one do I
choose? When it is time to pick a major, which one do I choose? When proposed a
hand in marriage, what do I do? When I crave chocolate, do I treat myself to a
piece or abstain? When my daughter takes too long to do her homework, do I help
her, let her do it at her own pace, or scold her for getting distracted? When I
write this paragraph, do I list more examples, or get to the point?
Our actions are our choices carried out. And all our choices
are based on our values and the place of happiness in our priorities.
We all know that we want to be happy. We want it for
ourselves, our loved ones, and possibly for all.
However, rather often we knowingly choose to do things that
do not make us happy, when we believe that these things take higher priority in
life. When we are younger, we tend to concentrate on more palpable goals - fitting
in with peers (and doing things that we would not want to do by ourselves),
completing education (and stressing over grades and fees), getting a nice job
(even if we find it unfulfilling), finding a spouse (or bearing the societal
pressure to find one), having kids (and giving up a lot of freedom), saving up
for some possessions (and denying self others), etc. Later, we may sacrifice
our own happiness for our loved ones, for the call of duty, or out of fear to
change anything. Or we may believe that we simply do not have another choice.
As we age, as we go through certain experiences and learn
from them, as we become more established and secure, as be become wiser, our
views about life priorities change. We
may place happiness higher on our priority list. Each one of us modifies our
live views for different reasons. Some survived a life-threatening situation
and realized that life is too short to be unhappy. Some have a pessimistic
child and want to lead by example by embracing positive emotions. Some believe
that being happy is the ultimate meaning of life. All of us have our own different
reasons.
Changing priorities will affect the daily choices we make.
We may decide that we care for our peace of mind more than for a successful
career, or for judgment of others, etc. So we may forgo a promotion at work
that entails long hours and more stress. Or decide to move from the city to the
suburbs or vise versa. Or something else we would not dare do when we were
younger.
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| art by ~Persephone842 |
The paradox of happiness is that even though we believe it
depends on our choices, in the grand scheme of things it really does not. When
we have to do something out of obligations, or pressure, or whatever
circumstances, we are able to still be happy. We may not be happy with the
circumstances, but we can learn to be content with ourselves in these
circumstances.
The key is to remember that we still want to be happy, and choose
to be happy instead of sulking or waiting it out. Like Abraham Lincoln said, people are as happy as they make their minds up to be.
Usually, we do not focus on desire to be happy, we just know
it is true. So when we deal with the stress of everyday life, we oftentimes
almost forget about it. We get into foul moods over small staff like traffic,
or getting a stain on our cloths. Without noticing we concentrate on the
routine, letting go of our overall intention to be happy.
Therefore, when we are presented with challenging choices and trying circumstances, it is very helpful to remember both the fact that we truly prefer to stay happy and the way we arrived to this conviction. As we recall the experiences and thoughts that
shaped our determination to be happy, we will be able to cope with situation we
view as negative.
For example, the next time we find ourselves in an
unfavorable situation, we can say to ourselves, I want to be happy anyway,
because life is short and I do not want to live it depressed. Or because
everything is relative and nothing is as bad as it seems. Or (insert your own
individual reason to continue to be happy).
We should clearly understand the reasons why we want to be
happy - and not the general goodness reasons, but our personal, individual
ones, the ones that convince us that happiness is a priority above some others.
Then the circumstances will no longer hold such overwhelming power over our state
of mind. We will be able to transcend through them, not let them interfere with
our mood. We will be able to choose what
is necessary for us to choose and not let the choice affect our spirits.
The choices we make are important. But there is only choice
that truly affects the level of our happiness - our choice to be happy. While
the rest of our choices shape our lives, this one shapes our attitude.
Exercise: Remember
the reason for wanting happiness and prioritizing it high.
Think about the questions below. Try not to give in to popular
notions about happiness or the meaning of life. The hankering to be happy is
for your own benefit, not anyone else's. So uncover your own personal ideas and
notions, your personal answers.
Is the importance and supremacy of happiness self evident to
you? Are you convinced that being happy is your goal and priority?
If you believe so, look back on your life and remember what
experiences and thoughts brought you to this conclusion?
How would you explain to your children that they should stay
happy in any circumstances?
If something made you doubt your own priorities, would we be
able to convince yourself again? How?
If you found yourself in an unfavorable situation, would you
give in to the bad mood or be able remember to try to keep good attitude? What
would it take for you to not only stay calm, but actually be positive - a
quote? memories of past experience? thoughts of the future? the transience of
life? thoughts of the divine? meditation? duty to your loved ones? duty to
yourself?
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